When I go

When I go what will I leave behind?

Will it be desired and loved?

Or just old and falling apart?

Will it have the power to heal a trampled heart?

Will there be music and dancing?

Or just apathy and striff?

Will I have been able to change a life?

When I go what will I go to?

Will there be angles and singing?

Or will it be shadows and gloom?

Or just the constant darkness of the tomb?

I'll go it alone as we all must

Until my body returns to dust.

But before I go drifting away

I want to be able to say

That I laugh a hell of a lot,

I loved much and more often than not,

And I truly lived every single day!

Ghosts

I cleaned out the kitchen cabinets this morning

and there in the back of the cabinet

behind the other cups and glasses

your cup sat, cracked and untouched

where you left it--

I threw it away.

I finally cleaned out the closet this afternoon

to pack up a lot of old stuff for charity

and there in the back behind the winter coats

I found your old letterman jacket

still in the plastic were you had it cleaned.

I gave it away.

I cleaned out my dresser tonight

and there under my lacy nighties and stockings,

my bras and panties

I found a letter-

a love letter you had written-

a few cherished promises you had given and I believed.

I burnt it in the ashtray.

Ghosts.

All ghosts.

They linger here to haunt me.

They dance in my head and taunt me.

They know if they stay long enough I'll conjure you up.

And that's no good for anyone.

So I'm exorcising them-

from my home,

from my head,

from my heart.

I am clean.

I am free.

And it's a brand new day.



for Kristen

There once was a little girl

who had a little curl

right in the center of her forehead.

And on her left arm

where it ought not belong

a huge lump surfaced instead.

Firm and big it grew

and as it grew

the terrible sinking fear of her family did too.

The doctors news they anxiously claimed

and in horror realized the lump

had a name.

Rhabdomyosarcoma was its nomenclature

A very big word for one so small in stature.

Chemotherapy seemed the way to go

But how well it would work they simply did not know.

Days and weeks and months eventually passed

and she grew tired of tile and steal and glass.

She grew tired of doctors and nurses; of IVs and needles

and things that go 'bip' in the night.

But mainly it was the other sick children

Who never came back when they left her sight

that worried her and gave her the most freight.

She herself became thin and pale and weak

her eyes were sunken and she was hallow of cheek.

Then sadly her beautiful curls fell out in piles-

The finale mark of a cancer child.

Unlike her counterparts who were

healthy and carefree.

She went through so much

for a child of only three.

(Shannon Marie and Kristen Michelle)

Death by Cancer or Death by Chemo-

What a hell of a thing to have to choose.

But when you hold your dying child in your arms

You know you have nothing else to loose.

But her mother in one last desperate plea

Had them remove every tube, every needle, every IV.

Though the doctors strongly disapproved

She did it anyway.

And because she did

You turned twenty today.

Happy Birthday Kristen Michelle.

I love you.

(Alicia Danielle, Shannon Marie and Kristen Michelle)



Knee Deep in Love

Knee deep in love

we'll run through lazy summer afternoons,

worshipping at the feet of the sun

and embarrass the butterflies.

Knee deep in love

we'll celebrate the fireflies

in the late August night

dressed in our finest moonlight.

Knee deep in love

we'll drink wine from paper cups

and I'll trace the trail it makes

down your chin with my tongue.

Knee deep in love

we'll sing each others song

and dance to each others heartbeat

until the sun ceases to shine.



Me

 My eyes are too big

too deep

too intense.

My hair is long and stringy.

My lips-thin and wide.

My breast are small

And my arms are thick.

I'm short but my legs are long.

My hips take center stage

And my ass seems to have a life of it's own.

(Just because I stop doesn't mean that it does)

I don't think like most, I don't act like most

and I sure as hell don't look like most.

But you saw me

And found me beautiful.

You loved me and taught me to love myself.

And I love you for it.

(Hey, you're beautiful to me too)

All Because

There I was,

Blithely going through my days,

Never straying off the path,

Always keeping my eyes on the clock

And my hands upon the wheel

Until that inexplicable moment

When the world exploded into

A spinning cosmos of vibrant color,

The air became heavy

And my heart pound in my ears

Like a thousand horses hooves--

I could not breathe,

My stomach became tight

And my knees felt as if they would buckle

Under the sudden extreme weight of my body--

All because you said, "Hello".

for Mother's Day

The Woman

The woman, wakeful, stares

At the face of the moon

The stars dancing ‘round,

While her babe sleeps at her breast.

Slowly, she rocks, now and then

And stares at the moon again and again

And softly, lowly, she hums,

While her babe sleeps at her breast.

A soft, gentle breeze blows

And tenderly kisses her cheeks

As her eyes slowly close,

While her babe sleeps at her breast.

                                                              Katy-jean

I originally wrote this in high school-eleventh grade-and the photo is of a very new Shannon and a very tired me.